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Topic Title: Follomer Syndicate (AFDES) (SL) Topic Summary: Final Ending and Thank Yous, Bottom of Page 21 Created On: Feb-06-2009 07:54 PM Status: Post and Reply |
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#1635324
Oct-25-2009 08:04 PM
| oh god....
but i see a flaw in this, u didnt include my band of intrepid marines. owell, time to deal with Norwell-Hucks and my problems |
The Ultimate CJing Experience mmmmmm... baaaacon |
#1635336
Oct-25-2009 08:39 PM
Wow... that was far more dramatic... than I thought  I must say, that was quite a loss for the Chancellor. First his sister goes crazy, then she dies from a combo of weapon wounds and a massive explosion. Anyways, great photoshopping, seatgrabbing plot, and overall great work. Great conclusion to a great story (Yes, I've been lurking here for quite the while) |
#1635345
Oct-25-2009 08:57 PM
| Wow. An exciting finish for this chapter. |
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#1635351
Oct-25-2009 09:17 PM
I actually cried when I read that...  Seriously Mike, bravo. You ever tried writing a movie script? And October 25th is now Follomerian Memorial Day in Virgin Shores, by special decree of the Governor. |
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#1635377
Oct-25-2009 10:10 PM
| What a gift from the Myon -- the bulletproof shielding. That protected the troops from the bullets. It was a perfectly executed raid inside the missile silo. The final encounter between Tristan and Tessa Archean was quite touching, and Tessa's last moments were quite suitable in light of her beliefs about what her father wanted, and I am glad the two sisters got to meet one last time. The endgame chapter was simply great, and it was a worthy grand finale to the Follomerian storyline. It is always best to end on a high-note, magnum-opus chapter, and this finale is certainly that. Long live the Allied Syndicate of New Follomer! - Patricius Maximus |
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#1635783
Oct-26-2009 07:40 PM
| ironicepitome: I didnt quite understand the "band of intrepid marines" though, so I didn't use them in the story. Just the Follomerians taking care of one final Follomerian problem. Glad you enjoyed the Chapter and the Finale. Blue Lightning: I tried my hardest to make the Finale dramatic since the other chapters were lacking that extra mmph in them. Quite a loss, Tristan loses his only sibling because power got a hold of her. And to mention that she was his "little" sister hit home harder then one would expect. (note: take a look at the epilogue chapter going to be posted soon) And thank you for all of your compliments, I'm glad you decided to come out and reply to my works, I really do appreciate it. Schulmanator: Thank you, glad you enjoyed the Finale Schul. deathtopumpkins: I'm sorry, just know that even the writer cried during the creation of this chapter. *gives connor a hug* Thank you for the applause connor, I highly appreciate the compliments.  And I am in the process of writing a short Novel on deviantART.com. If you want to ready that, search for "Celestial Heart Chapter 0" which is my current major work at the moment.Then I believe Virgin Shores and Follomer will both share a memorial holiday for the fallen Vice Chancellor. Patricius Maximus: The shielding saved quite a few lives, however the blast of an Agonite explosion would have penetrated the shielding though. I agree, the moment that they were able to share was beneficial to the both of them, mentally and emotionally. And I believe you mean, "siblings". lol Im very glad you enjoyed the Finale, I worked hard to make it a good ready, however comparing it to the much anticipated Finale of Carpathia, Follomer doesn't even come close. lol But at least I'm very happy I caught the attention of my loyal readers. All prosper within the Syndicate! And rest in peace, Tessa Archean. |
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#1635808
Oct-26-2009 08:23 PM
| So, finale eh? Wut am I gonna do now? Anyway, the President is going to hold a speech honoring those who fell on both sides to save the world. Godspeed Archean! |
The Ultimate CJing Experience mmmmmm... baaaacon |
#1635811
Oct-26-2009 08:34 PM
Nah, don't worry. You can always gear up for the next war  . |
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#1636104
Oct-27-2009 12:55 PM
| For some reason, when I propose to send a missile into the base, blowing up the agonite missiles, it is said that doing so would sent the world into a nuclear winter, whereas in the update, on of the missiles does go boom, without large consequences. Anyway, that was an amazing end to this story, to bad that Tessa died, though she would other wise spend the rest of her life in jail, for treason and possibly murder.
Regards, Korot |
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#1636119
Oct-27-2009 01:20 PM
| At least it didn't end in disaster... I would have NOT forgiven you if you'd blown up the earth....
Looking forward to the epilogue.... |
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#1636124
Oct-27-2009 01:28 PM
| Very interesting... lots of explosions, too. And yes, a nuclear explosion is just a little bit too much for those personal shields to handle. |
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#1636130
Oct-27-2009 01:48 PM
| Great ending on that chapter there Archean,it was among the best and the most dramatic updates done by you! all the best victor |
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#1636173
Oct-27-2009 04:26 PM
| It's ending! That was a great ending. Very well written and, with a few exceptions, the graphics look almost real. (Blur for motion usually doesn't work, and nuclear explosions are always hard to do so I'm not holding that against you.) It has been very enjoyable to read this. Thank you for writing it! |
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#1636198
Oct-27-2009 05:13 PM
A sad ending to great story, Tessa and Follomer will be missed.  A grand finale it was! Bravo! |
In Atlantopia, we share the meadow. Also in the New CJ section! Now part of the United World Journals Alliance. Don't forget to visit Duke of York's Republic of Alsdorf and New York City! ~ Victor Valdes' United Islands Of Territories! Sears Tower Forever! If you ever have question, send me a message! Bad dependency link? Try this.  Member of the 3 Amigos of Simtropolis
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#1636307
Oct-27-2009 08:09 PM
For some reason, when I propose to send a missile into the base, blowing up the agonite missiles, it is said that doing so would sent the world into a nuclear winter, whereas in the update, on of the missiles does go boom, without large consequences. That was not Archean's opinion. That was mine. I said: You neglect the effects of fallout. The plume could plunge Follomer (and most of the world) into a nuclear winter, so it is best to not blow it up. Since Archean is soveriegn over his own city journal, he can have whatever consequences he deems suitable. In this case, he has deemed it unsuitable to have a worldwide nuclear winter (to my knowledge). |
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#1636323
Oct-27-2009 08:40 PM
| gentlemen please, stop the argueing and be thankful that its over |
The Ultimate CJing Experience mmmmmm... baaaacon |
#1636864
Oct-28-2009 10:57 PM
| ironicepitome: Read the speech and it was very nice. Im glad you enjoyed the end of the story, but get ready to read the epilogue chapters! Patricius Maximus: Hahaha, conflict never ends. Korot: You all don't know what exactly the consequences were of the explosion yet, which is why they call it a cliffhanger, and which is why you wait till the next chapter. lol kj3400:  No I don't want anybody to not like me.  Glad you are! Leech10: Oh, just one big one. Victor Valdes: Thanks! Glad you liked it, worked hard on it and i hope you like the epilogues i have planned as well. crushedcar: Thanks for the compliments. Glad you enjoyed the chapter and hope you like the following ones. Chptrk: It was sad huh, but the following will be happy and sad. |
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#1637282
Oct-29-2009 08:39 PM
| Epilogue chapters? That should be interesting, as well as being warranted. Often an epilogue can round out a grand finale. |
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#1637285
Oct-29-2009 08:44 PM
| Epiloge? Awesome! But please don't stop Follomer! I made a new country and I feel that our nations can work together well! |
The Ultimate CJing Experience mmmmmm... baaaacon |
#1637311
Oct-29-2009 09:26 PM
| Patricius Maximus: Well, that finale was sort of the Grande Finale to the major Follomerian storyline. These chapters are going to tell what happened afterward, since so many good stories never satisfy that need. ironicepitome: I'm gonna have to end Follomer some day, it's been dragging on for a while, and I have big needs to start fresh with my own planet and things, cause I'm a major SciFi nerd. lol But don't fret, Wrightguy says hes going to have his own "alternate Tristan" in his new upcoming CJ hes planning. Perhaps you can use that. But then theres that whole problem of universes which just starts to turn your head into mush. Maybe this CJ's Tristan can make appearances in yours once in a while, but the CJ as a whole will end soon.  EP1 - The Storm Has Passed
  St. Krist city, after being attacked by an international alliance of world powers, was blown apart, bombed, damaged and crippled before its home occupants fought off the invaders. Now, just after four days, most of the reminders of the invasion has been cleaned and repaired, letting the city's old inhabitants move back into their old home, with no more fears of attack.
 Just four days after the invasion of his homeland, Chancellor Tristan comes before his citizens one more time, to make a special speech about the past terror, the dark days for his nation of Follomerians.
 Standing on the top of the staircase leading to the Chancellors Mansion, Tristan Archean, a leader, a war hero, a once loved brother prepares himself to speak to the thousands gathered before him, all silent.
 Chancellor Tristan: Citizens!... Follomerians. The storm has passed. The war is over... We've payed a heavy price for thinking Follomer could force the world under it's power. I have payed a heavy price. I hope, that you, my people, will come to forgive me for thrusting us into danger.The crowd stayed silent, many hanging their heads to the concrete. They didn't speak up to blame the Chancellor for they as well spoke for what the government did.  Tristan swallowed and nodded, keeping his expression as deep as a frown could be as he continued.
Chancellor Tristan: As i stand here before you, I bear a heavy, unbearable pain in my heart. Not only am I wrapped with the grief of so many close loved ones lost in the attack on the city... I am stricken, with the death of my one, and only sister... Many of you know her as Tessa Archean, all of you know her as our Vice Chancellor. Her death came to her, because of the madness of power. Her mind was consumed by power, which drove her to her demise. But as I kneeled there by her side, watching her last moments on this Earth, her heart was always in the right place. She did what she did; even though radical, because she loved this country! All she wanted was to make this nation that she loved so much grow even stronger then it is. I loved her... As a person, as a sibling...as my little sister. And now I stand here before you, bearing the deaths of hundreds including my only blood relative, in my heart. Chancellor Tristan: So then, from this day forward. Follomerians, Virginites and the world alike, will know of October 25th. The day the 29 Hour War ended, and the day a nation lost their Vice Chancellor to the madness that comes with the very thing many strive to achieve.Tristan stood in silence along with the thousands that stood before him. He could see many crying out in the crowd. He himself fought hard to keep the tears from soaking his cheeks. Then after a single minute, he stepped forward, looked over the crowd and raised his hand to his heart. Chancellor Tristan: All prosper within the Syndicate!As if setting off a chain reaction, the entire crowd copied his gesture and cried out in unision. 
Follomerians:
All prosper within the Syndicate!Tristan couldnt help but smile inside. These people truly were the strongest in the world. And he could tell that most, if not every single one of them still believed in their leader, the son of the very person that started the nation they loved. And then on cue, four Falcon Interceptors screamed over the crowd in diamond formation.  As the crowd knew the speech was over, they all turned to each other and spoke of apologies, condolences and remembrance of those who wern't there to hear the speech themselves. Tristan himself turned around to face the mansion. He was about to walk inside to finally rest for good when several figures strode up to him, all of them he knew but didn't expect to see that day.
 Admiral Panin: Tristan, sir... The speech was well done.Chancellor Tristan: Panin... Trell, Shauna... I, didn't know you would come.
Captain Trellian: You know us better then that Tristan.
Advisor Shauna: And, I wanted... I wanted to apologize in person. I'm the one that made those warheads...I...I killed your sister...
Captain Trellian: Shauna no, you didn't kill anyone.Chancellor Tristan: He's right Shauna. I don't blame you for anything that happened. By what i was told, you were just following Tessa's orders. There's nothing you could have done at the time.
Advisor Shauna: Tristan I... I want to make amends...by any means possible.Chancellor Tristan: The best thing you can do Shauna, is to remember Tessa for who she was before the madness of power overcame her.Tristan smiled as he put a hand on her shoulder. Shauna was barely holding back tears as she nodded, as then Trell moved over and pulled her into his side, comforting her. It was then that Tristan heard two more voices calling him. He turned around and to his astonishment, two more people he hadnt seen in both days and months walked up to him, together. Except instead of the two voices he heard, there were three coming toward him. 
Kristina Drake: Tristan, someone came to see you.The sight of Kristina with the other person instantly threw his already beaten heart into complete shock. 
Lerra: Tristan... It is so good to see you again.Chancellor Tristan: L-lerra. It's, good to see you too! And Kristina...Tristan wanted to run and hug them both, but the sight of the third figure made him freeze in his tracks. It was slightly stirring in Lerra's arms, staring back at him. With a small smile, Lerra walked up closer to Tristan.
Lerra: There's someone I'd like you to meet. Neko Child: Daddy?Tristan almost choked on his lack of breath and stared down at the little girl in Lerra's arms. It was indeed a Nekoleeri/Human halfbreed, and he could instantly see who she was. Her eyes were the most extravegant feature. A mixture of Lerra's red eyes and Tristan's blue gave her the deepest purple shaded eyes Tristan had ever seen. Chancellor Tristan: Lerra... Kristina I can explain!Kristina giggled and shook her head, smiling softly.
Kristina Drake: You don't have to. Lerra explained everything. And I understand what happened between you two. The child was concieved before you and I met, and even then you and Lerra wernt a declared couple.
Lerra: I was shocked myself when she was born, and looked like you a little.
Kristina Drake: You don't have to worry about anything. I even came to bond with her.Tristan stared at the two women who were smiling as the little neko girl kept looking at Tristan, examining him. She had been told before the meeting that Tristan was her father, so she would know herself, and now, all of a sudden, just four days after losing his sister, he recieved a daughter. Chancellor Tristan: Is it...okay to ask, what her name is?Kristina and Lerra looked at each other before Lerra turned to Tristan, smiling very softly, whole heartedly.
Lerra: I named her, Tessa.High Earth Orbit  Up in the dark vastness of space, the Myonian visiter, Valira, boarded her ship and began her preperations to return to where she had come from.
  Valira: Has the Agonite been properly secured? Crew 1: Yes. Valira: Good... who knew that such an otherwise primitve planet would have something of such power... Activate the hyperdrive, the destination has already been set.Crew 1: Right away.And then after a few seconds, the large ship entered the wormhole, escaping away from the Sol System with an extra souvenier. St, Krist City, Government Quarter Tristan, now united with all of his friends from days past, including one new addition to the makeshift family walked to a special spot in the wooded parks surrounding the government buildings. After coming upong a single tablet embedded into the ground, they all stopped as they looked down at it with sadness. Tristan, now holding his new daughter in his arms, stood infront of the tablet, gazing into it deeply. The little girl saw the stone and looked up at her new father questioningly in that youthful innocense that only children can possess.
Neko Child: Daddy? What dat?Tristan frowned softly, deeply. The stone was slick marble with words and a name etched into it, firmly embedded into the soft, green grass around it.  Tristan tried hard to hold back his oncoming sorrow from his daughter and so, started to smile, trying to encourage the little child that nothing was wrong.
Chancellor Tristan: That, Tessa...is your Auntie. |
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Edited: 10/29/2009 at 10:34 PM by Archean
#1637390
Oct-29-2009 11:27 PM
| *sob, cry, sob, needs better acting lessons*
anyway... my ex would KILL me if she found out i had a kid that wasnt hers. but a good wrap up to the story mon ami. well done |
The Ultimate CJing Experience mmmmmm... baaaacon |
#1637587
Oct-30-2009 09:25 AM
A good epilogue chapter. It rounded off the intensity of the grand finale, as well as wrapping up all current events. We'll have to collaborate on recording all the recent history on the AFDES wiki, but that belongs on another site  . Of course, there is also the matter of the River Bend Militia, but I'll resolve that swiftly in my own war epilogue. They won't be much of a problem, so Tristan and the Follomerians can now rejoice that they have learned the error of their ways, and will now persue a path of peace and friendship among all states.May all prosper within the Syndicate, and in the other AFDES states as well. I look forward to your next project. |
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#1639615
Nov-03-2009 01:26 AM
A good place indeed to end.  I reckon sometime after this, questions will be asked... inquiries will be held... No sense in getting bogged down with all the politics.Cute kitty kid, btw.  ISF |
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#1639834
Nov-03-2009 01:10 PM
| "Questions will be asked..." You mean like what is Valira going to do with the Agonite? And Valira's got enough guns on that ship of hers... Looks good! |
Dierapyámuk Invasion |
#1644214
Nov-09-2009 11:53 PM
Final Replies
ironicepitome: Heheh, well life in Follomer will always be just that "slightly" different then real life.
Glad you enjoyed the story. Hoping youll drop by my future work! Patricius Maximus: Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it, and the story as a whole. And i agree, with all that went on, the wiki will have to have an overhaul. And a pity the militia didn't have anything to blow up. Maybe they'll let out all their pent up energy on the bountiful forests you have in Franklin. Hahaha.May all prosper within the Syndicate! And all prosper within the AFDES! Looking forward to seeing you there at the debut yourself! Zelgadis: OHMIGAWD avatar change! Mine too! Yay we're different! Hahaha.Glad you enjoyed the chapter and the whole story. Hope to see you when the next CJ debut's ! Leech10: I'm sure we'll see the answer to that question when the new Myon CJ air's, with Valira undoubtedly "playing" with her newly aqcuired weapons-grade Agonite minerals. I can tell, that ship is, in the hoodlum terms, "packin'!" And to all of you who did not reply but watched Follomer grow (I know there's some lurkers out there somewhere ) I would like to thank you, personally, for helping me make Follomer as great as it became. From it's feeble beginnings with that one little town on the river without the nightlighting update, to the vast big cities, transit ways and story-lines, I rest assured that this CJ has given the ST City Journal forums a little bit of SciFi, family fued "mmph" every fan of a CJ like's.From myself, Archean, the proud creator of the Follomer Syndicate, I thank you.  |
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#1644216
Nov-09-2009 11:58 PM
| It was a terrific CJ! I'm sad to see it leave......but great job on it! I was a lurker.... |
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#1644217
Nov-09-2009 11:59 PM
| Last Comment! cool CJ Archy hope to see another one.
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#1644223
Nov-10-2009 12:10 AM
| *Claps* Bravo! What a great way to end such an amazing story! With a finale like this, I can only imagine how your next CJ will turn out. I must agree with Zel, that is one super adorable neko kid!! And thank you for sharing this CJ with us! |
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In Atlantopia, we share the meadow. Also in the New CJ section! Now part of the United World Journals Alliance. Don't forget to visit Duke of York's Republic of Alsdorf and New York City! ~ Victor Valdes' United Islands Of Territories! Sears Tower Forever! If you ever have question, send me a message! Bad dependency link? Try this. Member of the 3 Amigos of Simtropolis
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#1644232
Nov-10-2009 12:47 AM
| Oh no stuff is being blown up! Why does it have end like this? Where is the happy pretty ending? Oh well it's still great... |
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